Lacuna

 It’s been a very, very long while since I last let you read all my ramblings, and probably my miseries too.

First off, if you’re still reading this. I just want to wish you a happy new year. I hope the odd is on our side this time. Honestly I don’t know why I am still writing. I kinda feel detached from so many things since I started adulting. Studying, working and everything took too much of my time. I missed the feelings where I know what to say, now I’m just at lost. I don’t even know where to begin.

One thing that I do know is that I missed being here, as budak tomato once more. Although it’s gonna be suuuper funny because I am already a matured adult. I began writing when I was in school, carried on to my higher education and suddenly somewhere in 2015 became the day I stopped writing. Suddenly it all came to me that what’s next?

What do I gain and where should I go from now onwards?

Sometimes I do feel like just disappear from here and be merry with the life I have built. The spark I once had is long gone.

But truth is, I owe you guys a lot. You were here with me during my darkest phase, you were here during my childish phase, you were here when I thought I found my loved one, and again you were here to witness my heartbreak. Time passes, I lost so many friends along the way. I stopped being excited over things. I became goal driven and I only want to achieve what I want to achieve.

Deep down, there are way too many plans I had. But I am so occupied with life, and how busy life took me. Some said, if you truly love someone, you will definitely make time for them. I guess I am a bad lover then, because I can barely make time for myself, let alone for you.

Well maybe I can make this just like my small diary where I share things, like how I did before. Maybe that way, you will know that I am still here, just a click away from you. 

Oh yes about Lacuna. It means an unfilled space or a gap, or a missing portion in a book or manuscript. Perhaps, being here with you fills up my lacuna. Hehe. Anyway,  guess it’s time to sign off. I still have plenty to do right now.

And if you’re reading this, just so you know I was supposed to post a new year video wish on Instagram but well, life caught me up. I owe you one (wink, wink).

Love,

Mato.