Sunday, 21 July 2019

Which way is the heaven?

If there is only one thing you can tell me, what will it be?

I looked at her, and then I shook my head no. "Nothing," I said.  "Nothing," I repeated.

She gave me a faint smile, "anything at all?" Her eyes were beaming with hopes.

"I want all these to end." Under my breath, I mumbled. 

"I'm sorry?" She raised her left eyebrow, "I'm sorry I couldn't hear you. Can you please say it louder?"

My chest felt like bursting. I couldn't breathe properly. Only now, I realized that I have been sobbing loudly for a while. Ms. Adams took me to the teachers' office. She hugged tightly. Tears are still running down my cheek as though they are in some kind of race. "Do you want to tell me anything?" Ms. Adams began checking the bruise marks on both my arms. 

What do I know about the world, and how cruel can it be?

"I don't want to go home." My voice cracked. 

I think Ms. Adams knew what happened that she gave me one big hug. I have never felt safer than I am today.

After all, I am just a five-year-old who is yet to explore the world.

I could not remember what happened next because suddenly everything went all blurry. I could not see Ms. Adams anymore. I heard voices, loud but nothing that I could comprehend.


"Stay with me, okay?" I nodded as I tried to open my eyes. "Hamza, stay with me." 

The sound of ambulance's siren is everywhere, everything became louder, and my head started to hurt. By this time, I don't know what happened. The last thing I remembered was running away from my house, mom was bleeding. I escaped the house and ran into my teacher in front of Costco, two blocks from my house.



I woke up with bandages wrapping my right arm and my head. My body felt all sore. The room is too bright; I thought I'm blind. "Mom?" From where I sit, I can see a woman in a white gown staring at me, in a loving way that I felt welcomed. "Mom, it's me." Mom approaches, and now I can see her vivid and clear. Mom sat next to me and rubbed my bandaged head. "How are you doing?"

"Were you in pain?" I asked mom. She shook her head, "not anymore." She looked completely healed.

"Mom, I'm scared." I grabbed her arm.

Before Mom could respond, I heard a knock on the door. "Good morning, Hamza." A doctor came into the room with two nurses. I pulled mom's arm, but to my surprise, she is no longer here. I was holding a teddy bear instead. "My name is Dr. Paul."

"How are you now, son?" The doctor sat next to me. The place where mom sat a couple second ago. I looked at the doctor. "I'm hungry."

He laughed a little. "I will ask the nurse to send you your breakfast later, but now I need to see if you are getting better." He took out a stick that looked like an ice cream stick and asked me to open my mouth. I did as told because I want to eat. I am so hungry right now.

"Hamza?" Ms. Adams came into the room. "Oh, thank God you are okay." Ms. Adams is my class teacher. She stood next to the doctor as he checked the chart that was hanging in front of my bed.

"How is he doing?"

"He is getting better, but we need to know more about what happened. The cops are waiting for updates. We have updated his relatives in Malaysia about the incident."


"Ms. Adams, there is something that I want you to know." Dr. Paul looked concern, both of them walked a bit farther yet I can still see them.

"We have informed the psychiatric department about his condition. What we don't understand is that he has a lot of cutting marks on both his thighs. I wonder how a boy that age can do such action."

Ms. Adams covered her mouth with her left hand. I could not hear what they were talking about, but I swear I saw her crying. 

Someone grabbed my hand softly that my I turned by reflex. "It's not okay to peek." Mom said.

I nodded, she always taught me to be a good boy. So I turned away, waiting for the nurse to come with my breakfast.

12 comments:

Hana said...

Mato, my heart sank..this reminds me of Hiatus.

I love this story

naurah said...

He is still young 😭😭

qudratul qurnia said...

Why I suddenly remember hiatus?

Unknown said...

crying too 😭😭

Affrain said...

Same here :")

rigel said...

:')))) i'm crying

Anonymous said...

Hamza��

Anonymous said...

Not again.... Mato... Sedihnya..

mato jr said...

why mato why. to hamza, we love you tau.

khalisya nuraulia said...

Mato, it's just too real to be a story! Too much details, just like hiatus. Is it true story?

Wamy said...

I have a friend like you.

Wamy said...

I don't know if you are making it up or not. But I do have a friend just like you