Wednesday, 5 January 2022

Lacuna

 It’s been a very, very long while since I last let you read all my ramblings, and probably my miseries too.

First off, if you’re still reading this. I just want to wish you a happy new year. I hope the odd is on our side this time. Honestly I don’t know why I am still writing. I kinda feel detached from so many things since I started adulting. Studying, working and everything took too much of my time. I missed the feelings where I know what to say, now I’m just at lost. I don’t even know where to begin.

One thing that I do know is that I missed being here, as budak tomato once more. Although it’s gonna be suuuper funny because I am already a matured adult. I began writing when I was in school, carried on to my higher education and suddenly somewhere in 2015 became the day I stopped writing. Suddenly it all came to me that what’s next?

What do I gain and where should I go from now onwards?

Sometimes I do feel like just disappear from here and be merry with the life I have built. The spark I once had is long gone.

But truth is, I owe you guys a lot. You were here with me during my darkest phase, you were here during my childish phase, you were here when I thought I found my loved one, and again you were here to witness my heartbreak. Time passes, I lost so many friends along the way. I stopped being excited over things. I became goal driven and I only want to achieve what I want to achieve.

Deep down, there are way too many plans I had. But I am so occupied with life, and how busy life took me. Some said, if you truly love someone, you will definitely make time for them. I guess I am a bad lover then, because I can barely make time for myself, let alone for you.

Well maybe I can make this just like my small diary where I share things, like how I did before. Maybe that way, you will know that I am still here, just a click away from you. 


Oh yes about Lacuna. It means an unfilled space or a gap, or a missing portion in a book or manuscript. Perhaps, being here with you fills up my lacuna. Hehe. Anyway,  guess it’s time to sign off. I still have plenty to do right now.

And if you’re reading this, just so you know I was supposed to post a new year video wish on Instagram but well, life caught me up. I owe you one (wink, wink).


Love,

Mato.

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

To let you know, there's still someone who want to read your posts. Hope everything's good for you Mato :)

Anonymous said...

2015... good ol' days

aisha said...
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aisha said...
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Anonymous said...

Happy New Year, Mato! Kalau rasa nak publish another books publish je. Kami sedia membacanya hehe ^^

Anonymous said...

we miss you mato. thanks for the writing, thanks for being here again.

Anonymous said...

i just love your writing, Mato. Kind of hoping i found you sooner, but I'm still here, with other readers, filling your lacuna <3

Ji said...

happy new year mato

Anonymous said...

happy new year mato (wink,wink)

Anonymous said...

Happy new year, Mato. May this year bring us more happiness

Anonymous said...

I found your blog in 2014 never thought that I'm gonna stick here for a long time but I glad I did. May this year brings happiness to all of us ^_^

Anonymous said...

happy new year mato!

Najwa said...

Happy new year mato. It feels good reading your post again �� thank you for takin the time for us

Anonymous said...

Was super excited seeing you post again. Hope everything fine there and thank you for coming back and writing again :) even though we dont know each other in real life but knowing you as budak tomato since my high school years (2013) and still follow you up until know, all I can say, I am proud seeing you as who you are today. You may not be as active as before but i dont know, you just have a soft spot in my heart and I just hope you be surrounded by good and only good things in your life.

Anonymous said...

just to let know, sometimes, your writing speak some people's thought. And for writing that, thank you, atleast i don't feel alone.

Anonymous said...

happy new year!!! may allah bless all of us this year!!!

hurun are-in said...

Happy new year mato...spreading matonism...
Betul, semua dah besar sekarang..read ur blog, ask.fm, Twitter tumblr etc dulu bole, sekarang dah buzy dgn adult life.. since 2012 until now.. all the best mato.

Unknown said...

happy new year mato, stay safe ✨

Anonymous said...

thank you for the comeback!! been missing to read you wise words.. hehehe BTW Happy New Year to you too!

Anonymous said...

Hey you!! Happy New Year!!!
Being adult is very tired right. Haha
Good luck Mato��

Anonymous said...

Happy new year too mato. May this year will be better than last year

Anonymous said...

Love to read ur writing at this blog,miss ur writing so much as a writer budak tomato, nahhh i feel old already hahaha

Anonymous said...

Happy new year mato. Semoga mato sentiasa sihat. Wish you all the best! May Allah bless us and bring more happiness this year. Fi hifzillah

Anonymous said...

I truly understand u right now mato! we are in the same phase, is this adjusting? Haha Where all of our spirits have been taken :/, take your time bro we are here! keep supporting! Go abe mato!!

Anonymous said...

Adulting*

H said...

Can wait to read your new book.
Cant wait to slide into your dm 💃🏼

nirza. said...

selamat tahun baru Mato! semoga dipermudahkan segala urusan harian dan dikurniakan kekuatan selalu!

Alie Ally said...

yahh it's already 2022 & we still here read ur thoughts & supporting u ❤️

Anonymous said...

i almost cry and remember the old day huaaa

Anonymous said...

Ada lagi rupanya mato...lama tak baca entry